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We want to believe that love is guided by instinct, and that following our heart will lead us to our ideal soulmate. Alain de Botton argues that our romantic lives are shaped more by the emotional patterns we learned in childhood than by destiny.
0:14 Chapter 1: Our destructive romantic culture
1:42 How romanticism reshaped love
7:17 The cultural myths that sabotage love
10:02 Chapter 2: Lessons on love from psychotherapy
11:20 What childhood teaches us about love
14:20 Attachment theory and early separation
17:25 When familiarity matters more than happiness
24:40 Chapter 3: The playbook for a successful relationship
26:41 How are you crazy?
29:24 What therapy makes possible
34:41 Why you will marry the wrong person
42:33 Social media and the blame reflex
47:25 Chapter 4: Overcoming status anxiety and loneliness
49:00 Status anxiety in a secular age
50:30 The lost safety valves of older societies
52:31 The need for secular temples
55:02 Love as the bridge out of isolation
Read the video transcript ► https://bigthink.com/series/full-interview/why-healthy-love-feels-uncomfortable/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=video&utm_campaign=youtube_description
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About Alain de Botton:
Alain de Botton was born in Zurich, Switzerland in 1969 and now lives in London. He is a writer of essayistic books that have been described as a ‘philosophy of everyday life.’ He’s written on love, travel, architecture and literature. His books have been bestsellers in 30 countries. Alain also started and helps to run a school in London called The School of Life, dedicated to a new vision of education. Alain’s latest book is titled Religion for Atheists and is published in the Netherlands, Italy, Korea, Turkey and Brazil in 2011 and in the UK, US and other territories in 2012.
Alain started writing at a young age. His first book, Essays in Love [titled On Love in the US], was published when he was twenty-three.
